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Real Name: Irving Forbush
Alias: The Amazing Punishing Wolver Forbush, Dark Forbush-Man, Forbush-Man Lite
Occupation: Janitor for Marvel Comics, would-be comedy relief character
Legal Status: Status? Him? HA!
Identity: He’s a nobody
Place of Birth: Wherever it is, they wouldn’t admit it
Marital Status: Very single
Known Relatives: Aunt Mayhem (aunt), Uncle Benny (uncle), Cousin Lance (cousin)
Base of Operations: A matter of opinion
Past Group Affiliations: Charter and only member of the Forbush League International, Forbush League Antarctica, and the X-Forbush
Known Powers:
No-Power: Forbush-Man once received a No-Prize from Marvel Comics, which gives him the awesome No-Power! No one has figured out what a No-Power does: probably nothing.
Talents:
Him? Ha! Ha! Ha! Seriously, Forbush has Typical ability with janitorial work.
Contacts:
None who will admit it.
Role-Playing Notes:
You want to role-play this loser? Gimme a break! Look, Bruce, why did I of all the freelancers with TSR have to write up this character? Couldn’t you have given this to Mortika or Martin? Okay, maybe I could have done a bit better on that last job, but was it any reason to assign me this? I could be doing something decent with my time, like having a root canal, or doing the critical hit ta bles for Headlocks and Haymakers, the pro-wrestling role-playing game. But N000000!
History:
Irving Forbush was a fanboy janitor at Marvel Comics in the 1960’s who wanted to get the autographs of all the superheroes. Unfortunately, they all told him to get lost. Was it his breath, or his deodorant? Or all of the above, plus a few thousand other things?
Too stupid to be discouraged, For bush returned home to his lovable Auntie Mayhem and Uncle Benny. When Auntie Mayhem complained that he was taking too long to clean the dishes and that he was a disgrace to Forbush-dom, Irving replied that if he was a superhero, he could clean the dishes in no time. A trifle upset at being answered so flippantly, Auntie Mayhem gently reprimanded her nephew by slamming a pot over his head.
This provided Irving with his inspiration for becoming a superhero! After cutting eyeholes in the pot, Irving took his longjohns, and became a superhero! Forbush-Man was born (not made)!
Forbush-Man’s career began successfully, when the Juggernaut, while trying to attack him, tripped over Forbush-Man while he was tying his shoelace, and landed in a vat of quick-drying cement. Following this, every major villain in the Marvel Universe surrendered to Irving. A superhero was born, and he had his own comic, Not Brand Ecch.
Unfortunately, Not Brand Ecch was cancelled, and Irving was forced to audition for bit parts in the alternate comics. He achieved a starring role, after many years, in the classic Nauseous Ninny Marginally Human Nerds book, but after the controversial ice cream scene in issue #4, received more hate mail than any other character in the history of comics. In a phone-in poll two months later, readers voted to blow up Irving in the most graphic, gratuitously violent manner possible. Forbush-Man was dead.
But then came the classic Total Fall of the Secret Inferno Crisis War on Infinite Millennium Legends Earth crossover mega-series graphic novel, when the writer accidentally left his word processor on automatic pilot, and a computer virus accidentally resurrected Irving! He immediately declared the founding of Forbush League International, but no one joined. Deciding that maybe being the official supergroup of a continent would be a good spin-off, he declared the founding of Forbush League Antarctica. A penguin applied to join, but left when he found that another company’s lawyers would sue him for taking the same name as one of their villains. Feeling that he needed a new gimmick to boost sales, Irving decided that he had to be a mutant (and received little argument from the rest of the human race), and founded the X-Forbush. Unfortunately, with so many “X” titles on the market, no one noticed. When he told Auntie Mayhem that he was now a mutant, she stabbed him with a pie fork. This gave him the idea for his new identity: Armed with a very sharp fork, he was now—the Amazing Punisher Wolver-Forbush (“I’m not the best at what I do, but at least I don’t repeat the same line every issue!”)
In the meantime, tragedy loomed. An old Spider-Man villain, the Hypno-Hustler, never accepted the fact that disco was dead and kidnapped all of the major disco music stars of the ‘70’s. After a horrific issue where he transformed Times Square into a giant disco, Forbush Man arrived and defeated Hypno-Hustler when he accidentally shattered the glass floor as he fell off a flagpole. The shattering blow split Forbush-Man ‘s fragile personality into two parts: The kindly, stupid, incompetent Forbush-Man Lite, and the wicked, stupid, incompetent Dark Forbush-Man! The Watcher, noting this event, yawned and returned to watching an old sixties bikini-beach movie.
Meanwhile, Dark Forbush-Man learned that Fred Hembeck was using Brother Voodoo as Marvel’s Comedy Relief character in the center pages of Marvel Age. Upset with being upstaged, Dark Forbush-Man plotted to lure Brother Voodoo to his Antarctic stronghold by promising to give him his own prestige format mini-series. However, even Brother Voodoo knows that one does not go to Antarctica to star in prestige format mini-series unless one is invited by Ka-Zar first. Besides, he’s from Haiti and hates the cold weather, and there are so many prestige format titles on the market these days that they just aren’t a status symbol any more. Dark Forbush-Man’s plot was foiled.
Recently, a new writer took over Forbush-Man‘s adventures. In order to return him to his 60’s roots, the writer had Forbush-Man wake up from being hit over the head by Auntie Mayhem. Yes, folks, it was all a dream!